To be clear: I try not to NAME anyone here. I will use the first initial of their name in reference to that person.
Parents who don’t or who are otherwise not capable of truly loving their child. It sure makes sense, doesn’t it? To some of us, sure. The way our parents speak AT us, view us..it sure isn’t love, that much I know. Especially when we’re accused of playing favorites with your own children…it is like they are projecting their own failings upon you. And they say this as they drive over to their own eldest daughters home to take her out to lunch (sans me of course and as usual)…lol. Ok. When I was having issues with my eldest child (who was a teen at that time) I was told, “you never loved her, you always preferred your other daughter…this is ALL your fault, you *uck face!!” I had to stop and wonder if she wasn’t referring to herself. I would later discover she told my father this, as well saying-“Well, when ya see her, she’ll have G on her hip!” Sad. At least I finally had the chance to try to set her correct on that. She can believe what she wants, but you just don’t try and come between a mother and her children and I got the idea that when my girls would go visit, she (along with my sister) make offhanded or denigrating remarks about me. I never had proof though so I tried to put it aside…but off and on she’d let things slip. She’d make comments to me without asking me my side to anything and when she did, she didn’t listen.
My poor daughter started having issues. Ideally, our family would’ve come together on this issue-not taken sides. Ideally, my own mother would’ve offered her love, support and advice to me as we navigated such treacherous waters. Instead, she appeared to take the opportunity to cheerlead my daughters hatred for me by reinforcing the idea that it was “all my fault.” Then again, IF she doesn’t love or respect me-how could I expect her to offer her love at such time or any other time for that matter? It’s all conjecture because she won’t communicate with me. Keep this in mind. Just things I’ve put together based on experiences with them, things they’ve said and done and in some cases, said outright. I can speak for myself, though…and I love ALL of my children for the individuals they are. I just adore them. They’re my world, truly.
I’m finally seeing the light a bit. We all hope to be liked..especially by our own family members. Oh sure, they may love you (if you can be sure they even know what love really is and based on their upbringing, maybe they don’t) but sometimes they just don’t like you.
I’ve encountered similar people off and on throughout my life. I had a team lead at work that couldn’t stand me no matter what I did. She saw my kindness as “fake.” If I had won the lottery and gave her half of the winning’s, she’d still hate me. I reminded her that my mother had taught me to be kind to people until and unless they give you a reason not to. She didn’t want us being doormats, but she wanted us to be kind. I considered this a fair teaching but with someone who has issues of their own, it just won’t work.
Some folks, they don’t like anything about you. How you live your life, how you raise your children, how you chew your food and how dare you ever face any adversity in life because now they don’t respect you. Everything is under scrutiny because they DO NOT LIKE YOU. I’m learning this truly is ok. If you’re the best sort of person you know how to be, that really is all you can do. Leave their issues on their side of the fence where it belongs.
Strive to find joy within yourself. Like who it is you are, the Lord made you and He doesn’t make mistakes!
I feel blessed that I moved beyond and am not myself a narcissistic type parent. I learned through trials with my eldest that total “control” is impossible and unhealthy to hope for at best anyway. My control is only over myself and even that is sketchy at times because hey, I am human afterall!